Book Review: Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ by Daniel Goleman

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


The good news is that adults with low EQ can change. Even though old patterns of thinking have carved deep grooves in our brains, making it harder and harder over time to recover emotionally and develop healthy responses to our own and others' feelings, it can be done. That's the good news.

The bad news is that it is not easy.

Published in 1995, Goleman's book is apparently the one that started it all. The expression "EQ" is now part of the culture, and most of us do have a vague understanding of what it means and it's proven importance. Less well-known, of course, is exactly what constitutes emotional intelligence, what builds or destroys it, and what can be done to repair damage. That is why I am glad I read this one. The four-page summary I prepared is available as a free download by clicking here.

I recently had an opportunity to attend a workshop on emotional intelligence at a nationwide conference of peers. With only three hours, the trainer had to pack a great deal into his presentation and small group exercises. Along the way he suggested that we not read this book, saying it was too dense and academic to hold our interest. I noticed that his materials were derived from other works in this field, notably the stuff produced by Travis Bradberry, Jean Greaves and the folks at TalentSmart. That's fine, but I disagree that Emotional Intelligence was difficult reading. It gives fullness to the work of those who came after and helped me understand some of what I learned in the Emotional Intelligence 2.0 self-assessment.

Here's a key quote for me, suggesting a strategy for improvement that I will be working to implement in my own life over the next few weeks:

"The train of angry thoughts that stokes anger is also potentially the key to one of the most powerful ways to defuse anger: undermining the convictions that are fueling the anger in the first place. The longer we ruminate about what has made us angry, the more 'good reasons' and self-justifications for being angry we can invent. Brooding fuels anger's flames. But seeing things differently douses those flames."

This idea has shown up in much of my reading. It's in Learned Optimism and other works by Martin Seligman. It's in Leadership and Self-Deception. It's in everything by Wayne Dyer and others who teach about the Law of Attraction. And it is certainly in Stephen Covey's work. My year-long exploration of The 8th Habit is what led me to finally read Goleman. But as Covey says "To know and not to do is really not to know." To get the full value from having read this book I will need to apply the lessons learned. Breathe. Count to ten. Challenge those negative thoughts. Let it go. Carve new neural pathways.





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Books with Tools, Part 2

Last week I wrote about the tools and exercises found in some of my favorite books.  Such tools can allow for self-assessment, create a means for solidifying learning, and point people in the direction of positive change in a way that narrative alone cannot do.  Here are some more of my favorites, perhaps a little different from what we ordinarily think of as business books. As always, I am writing about books that I highly recommend picking up and reading.  But - if you want to know more before investing the money or time, you can access a free download of a two-page summary written by me. Just click on the title of the book.



Overcoming That Pessimistic Outlook.  Too often in organizational life we can succumb to the least hopeful of the strands of thinking around us.  It seems the person with the upbeat style is the one regarded as out of touch. But Professor Martin Seligman is here to tell us in Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Change Your Life that the people with the most optimistic viewpoints are the most successful among us.  In chapter after chapter he reviews the evidence and makes the case that in sports, offices, school, politics, and families, optimism is a winning strategy.  The second half of the book is for those of us who struggle to be optimistic.  With a 48-question self-assessment, each reader can get a sense of their own starting point.  Then, by imagining our own scenarios and following Dr. Seligman's worksheets, we can gain practice at challenging our initial reactions and choosing better ones.  Over time, if we follow the formula, we can make the optimistic perspective more natural.  Then, look out world!



Overcoming a Penchant for Poverty.  What a service Barbara Stanny has done for all of us who were told as little girls that talking about money is not nice and that we should be focused on taking care of others!  The exercises and resources she packs into The Secrets of Six Figure Women: Surprising Strategies to Up Your Earnings and Change Your Life are a great boon to all of us struggling see our value rewarded properly in the workplace.  After interviewing dozens of women who earn good incomes, she sets out to help us all understand what they have in common... and offers their wisdom to the rest of us.  I never thought about how I was contributing to my financial troubles until I took the Am I an Underearner? quiz.  And now I know... the solution to balancing my budget is on the income side. Go to work with an intent to make money, sister!  You're not selling out your soul... you are taking responsibility! 


Overcoming Motivational Barriers:  Carrots and sticks don't work.  I think most of us knew that about sticks... but carrots?  Nope... they backfire too.  Offering a kid a dollar for every A on his report card might get you a flight of A's in the short term... but in the long term you are diminishing that kid's natural desire to do well.   Well-meaning as we are, we just can't motivate others.  But, with practice, we can learn to tap the powerful internal motivations of those around us.  That's the chief lesson in Drive: The Surprising Truth about What Motivates Us, the last 65 pages of which is a Toolkit chock-full of ideas and strategies for awakening our internal motivators and helping others without harming them.  Well-written, charming, fun and, yes, motivational, Drive is a must-read for every leader or manager who is swimming upstream against under-performing co-workers. 


Overcoming Indecision:  Of all the "glad I read that one" books on my shelf, the one I mention in conversation most often is The Paradox of Choice: Why More is Less by Professor Barry Schwartz.  It changed my life... and it can change yours, too.  With some little quizzes and self-tests the author guides us to an understanding of our natural tendencies toward satisfaction with the choices we make... or our proclivity to beat ourselves up after decisions.  After making the case that we often make ourselves crazy with all the options we have (straight leg or boot cut? big deductible or higher premium? 1% or skim?) Schwartz gives us a series of strategies for learning to be more sanguine about our choices.  Learn to accept that good enough is good enough and move on!  What an important concept!

Book Review: Learned Optimism

Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life by Martin E.P. Seligman

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


I always appreciate it when an author can take a difficult, highly scientific or technical topic and make it readable and easy for a lay person to understand.  Professor Seligman has accomplished just that with Learned Optimism.  Even those of us not trained in psychology can follow along with the narrative, enjoying the key insights as they have come to Seligman over his distinguished career. 

Even more important than easy and pleasant reading are the practical applications for the research Seligman weaves into every chapter of this how-to book on improving our sense of optimism.  After making a compelling case that optimism is better for our health, careers, relationships, and ability to learn, he goes on to provide a method for making optimism a more natural part of our lives.  There is a process for challenging pessimistic thoughts and replacing them with optimistic ones.  Anyone can learn it and practice it until this way of thinking embeds itself in our minds and bodies. 

I like it that Professor Seligman does not blame or judge people harshly for being pessimistic, even skeptical or cynical... but he does make it clear that this way of life is a choice, same as living happily in hope is a choice.  By making the option ours, Seligman gives us a great deal of power to control the quality of our lives... at home and at work.  Along the way, we can use the tools he provides to assist our children, work colleagues, even fellow players on our sports teams to achieve more and experience more happiness.  What more can anyone want from a book?

Still not convinced? Check out a two-page summary, written by me. Just download it here for free! 

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