Book Review: On Becoming Fearless

On Becoming Fearless by Arianna Huffington

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


Having recently waxed enthusiastic about Sheryl Sandberg's book, Lean In, it seems only right that I should give a bit of a shout out to Arianna Huffington, who struck a very similar cord with this one in 2006.  While Sandberg's theme is a bit broader, speaking to a variety of internal and external factors that hold women back, On Becoming Fearless is focused on one of the biggest contributors: fear.  We women don't put ourselves forward (don't "lean in") as often as we might because of our fears.  Huffington, who demonstrates a remarkable degree of courage in her public life, provided us with advice on overcoming fear long before Sandberg put pen to paper.  (Er, went to her keyboard.)

Huffington's contribution is solid. By sharing personal examples she reminds us that we are all created equal.  While some people are more naturally fearless than others, Huffington herself has struggled with this enough to be a credible messenger on the value of putting in the effort to overcome.  She breaks down the various ways fear is expressed at work, home, with money, with facing illness, etc. and provides tried and true methods for tackling each.  I especially like it that she paints a picture of what a strong woman can accomplish when she lives fearlessly. Most of us will never find ourselves on the Sunday morning talk shows, but we can certainly increase our personal contribution in the world by choosing to move out of our self-imposed comfort zone.

So why do these two super-accomplished women care whether any of the rest of us lean in to our lives and accept the role of leadership?  Because it is lonely at the top! Huffington is especially keen to see increasing numbers of women becoming outspoken: when we all get a little more used to hearing assertive women speaking their minds, those who are doing so will stand out less.   And, she concludes, "The world needs the leadership of women now more than ever. We may lose friends in the process, but we can no longer afford to remain silent."

Amen, sister.  Thanks for caring enough to speak up!



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Five Smart Women

In honor of International Women's Day I offer some inspiration from five great women who know they are role models, pioneers, trailblazers.  When a woman who has had an amazing life story takes the time to sit down and write it up for public consumption, we all profit.  This is especially so when they are mindful of the impact they can have on other women.  Give it to us unvarnished.  Give us something we can relate to.  The best authors take this task seriously... and the results are playing out happily in the lives of women everywhere. 

No one has done more in recent years to advance the cause of women in the workplace than Sheryl Sandberg.  With the kind of courage born of a strong track record, this highly-placed executive compiles oodles of social scientific research into a cogent case for gender equality.  In Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead Sandberg gives it to us straight. The world needs more women to choose the public life, to be involved, to participate.  For those of us who are already convinced, she has chapter after chapter of practical guidance.  We could all do worse than to follow Sandberg's lead.  Check out my two-page summary here.


Arianna Huffington is another woman who is worthy of emulation... and another woman who has felt isolated in the sea of men at the top of the ladder. Six years before Sandberg, Huffington published a book with pretty much the same thesis and pretty much the same advice.  She just went at the courage thing directly. On Becoming Fearless: in Love, Work, and Life is a call to action.  She wants more company on the journey to improve the world: "We build up our moral muscle by exercising it. We become virtuous by the practice of virtue, responsible by the practice of responsibility, generous by the practice of generosity, and compassionate by the practice of compassion. So, the moment we begin to change, the world starts to changing with us because we are all interconnected."


The advice Myka Brzezinski provides in Knowing Your Value: Women, Money, and Getting What You're Worth is more pointed but not less grounded in personal experience or less informed by research.  This one should be required reading in high school.  Every girl, no matter what her interests or pursuits, would benefit from these simple lessons in clearly defining what you need from your life and not settling for less.  The ugly truth is that we rarely gain much by giving and giving beyond the expectation that we will continue giving and giving.  Giving in and giving up, that is.  I was 48 when I read it, but benefited much.  Thanks, Myka.  My two-page summary of this one is available for download here.


Before any of these women dreamed of a successful life in business or journalism, Barbara Walters was already doing it.  She broke a dozen glass ceilings the old fashioned way: with a smile, a smart plan, and a great pair of high heels.    Audition: A Memoir isn't meant as advice to younger women, but Walters is clearly conscious that she is now leading by example.  Her story is easy to relate to precisely because she makes the effort in her writing to make sense of the life she describes.  More than a disparate collection of great stories, Walters' memoir hangs together as a cohesive whole.  That's why it inspires like it does.  



I've always liked Hoda Kotb.  She's smart and funny and different from the usual run of TV news readers.  So I was glad that she wrote this little book... These kinds of memoirs from strong and successful women can be a pleasure to read and as long as I can avoid comparing myself unfavorably to the writer, there is usually something to learn. 

Here's what I learned about Hoda by reading Hoda: How I Survived War Zones, Bad Hair, Cancer and Kathie Lee: she was rejected 27 times before she landed her first job at a local TV station.  Twenty seven times she put herself out there, sent in a resume, interviewed or auditioned, only to be turned away.  A person has to want something awfully badly to put themselves through that. Since that first local news director took a chance on her, of course, her career progressed to the point where we all know her.  And somewhere out there are 27 news directors kicking themselves for not seeing her talent.  The best revenge is living well.

I also gave this book to my mom.  Part of Hoda's story is that she overcame breast cancer, which Mom is going through at the moment.  She read it in the week leading up to her lumpectomy and she says she enjoyed it. We like it that that part of Hoda's story is set into the context of a rich and full life - a pain-in-the-ass blip more than a drama-filled crisis. We can relate to that. So - Hoda's story is inspiring and her writing is witty and fun to read. Two thumbs up! 

Achieving great personal success takes determination and sacrifice in any field of endeavor.  Taking the time to chronicle one's experience and encourage others to pursue their own goals is an act of love and generosity.  These are some of my favorite great ladies.  Who are yours? 

Books with Tools, Part 2

Last week I wrote about the tools and exercises found in some of my favorite books.  Such tools can allow for self-assessment, create a means for solidifying learning, and point people in the direction of positive change in a way that narrative alone cannot do.  Here are some more of my favorites, perhaps a little different from what we ordinarily think of as business books. As always, I am writing about books that I highly recommend picking up and reading.  But - if you want to know more before investing the money or time, you can access a free download of a two-page summary written by me. Just click on the title of the book.



Overcoming That Pessimistic Outlook.  Too often in organizational life we can succumb to the least hopeful of the strands of thinking around us.  It seems the person with the upbeat style is the one regarded as out of touch. But Professor Martin Seligman is here to tell us in Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Change Your Life that the people with the most optimistic viewpoints are the most successful among us.  In chapter after chapter he reviews the evidence and makes the case that in sports, offices, school, politics, and families, optimism is a winning strategy.  The second half of the book is for those of us who struggle to be optimistic.  With a 48-question self-assessment, each reader can get a sense of their own starting point.  Then, by imagining our own scenarios and following Dr. Seligman's worksheets, we can gain practice at challenging our initial reactions and choosing better ones.  Over time, if we follow the formula, we can make the optimistic perspective more natural.  Then, look out world!



Overcoming a Penchant for Poverty.  What a service Barbara Stanny has done for all of us who were told as little girls that talking about money is not nice and that we should be focused on taking care of others!  The exercises and resources she packs into The Secrets of Six Figure Women: Surprising Strategies to Up Your Earnings and Change Your Life are a great boon to all of us struggling see our value rewarded properly in the workplace.  After interviewing dozens of women who earn good incomes, she sets out to help us all understand what they have in common... and offers their wisdom to the rest of us.  I never thought about how I was contributing to my financial troubles until I took the Am I an Underearner? quiz.  And now I know... the solution to balancing my budget is on the income side. Go to work with an intent to make money, sister!  You're not selling out your soul... you are taking responsibility! 


Overcoming Motivational Barriers:  Carrots and sticks don't work.  I think most of us knew that about sticks... but carrots?  Nope... they backfire too.  Offering a kid a dollar for every A on his report card might get you a flight of A's in the short term... but in the long term you are diminishing that kid's natural desire to do well.   Well-meaning as we are, we just can't motivate others.  But, with practice, we can learn to tap the powerful internal motivations of those around us.  That's the chief lesson in Drive: The Surprising Truth about What Motivates Us, the last 65 pages of which is a Toolkit chock-full of ideas and strategies for awakening our internal motivators and helping others without harming them.  Well-written, charming, fun and, yes, motivational, Drive is a must-read for every leader or manager who is swimming upstream against under-performing co-workers. 


Overcoming Indecision:  Of all the "glad I read that one" books on my shelf, the one I mention in conversation most often is The Paradox of Choice: Why More is Less by Professor Barry Schwartz.  It changed my life... and it can change yours, too.  With some little quizzes and self-tests the author guides us to an understanding of our natural tendencies toward satisfaction with the choices we make... or our proclivity to beat ourselves up after decisions.  After making the case that we often make ourselves crazy with all the options we have (straight leg or boot cut? big deductible or higher premium? 1% or skim?) Schwartz gives us a series of strategies for learning to be more sanguine about our choices.  Learn to accept that good enough is good enough and move on!  What an important concept!

Book Review: Secrets of Six-Figure Women

Secrets of Six-Figure Women: Surprising Strategies to Up Your Earnings and Change Your Life by Barbara Stanny

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


So I was 44 years old and deep in debt when Suze Orman finally got my attention and convinced me that my financial security was my responsibility.  Five years later I had savings, a retirement account, and no debt.  Thank you Suze. 

But it was Barbara Stanny who showed me that the adjustments I needed to make were not all on the expenses side of the ledger... I was a chronic UNDEREARNER... I was not making what I was worth.  Worse, I wasn't even trying.

Sometimes people need a kick in the head to do the right thing for themselves.  That's Orman's approach... and it helped me.  Stanny's approach is more subtle but equally effective: provide role models.  Show readers that women who earn good money are not male-defined, sold-out automatons with mixed up priorities.  By finding them, interviewing them, and presenting their stories, Stanny shows us that high earning women can be passionate about their work and deeply invested in advancing social welfare. They also work with an intent to make money. They are paid well often because they have confidence in their ability to do well and they clearly express their worth to those who decide the pay rate, whether it be boss or client.  

I gave a copy of this one to my niece as a high school graduation present.  My brother, who knows me as a struggling academic with a bent toward poverty, was amused. But these authors have changed my outlook, and by changing my outlook they have changed my life for the better.  There is no greater gift and I am forever grateful.  If you are a woman who can't pay the bills each month, go get this one and do the exercises.  You will be glad you did.

At very least, download a two-page summary written by me.  It's free and the link is right here.

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Book Review: Audition by Barbara Walters

Audition: A Memoir by Barbara Walters

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


I have read quite a lot in this genre... and this is a good one.  Better than Katharine Graham's, in fact, and that one won prizes.

Word was out before I picked this one up that Barbara Walters was talking for the first time about having a sister with a developmental disability.  That was of real interest to me because I can relate.  My middle brother - born when I was six - has Downs syndrome.  This happens to be one of those life facts that plays a major role in one's own development and outlook.  As an active member of a sibling group here in Ohio, I've met many brothers and sisters from all walks of life, people whose stories are all very different. And also very familiar.

People with disabilities have all kinds of famous siblings... Jamie Foxx and Eva Longoria come to mind... but only the Kennedys are more prominent than Barbara Walters.  That's why it was such a relief that Walters didn't gloss over that part of her life in this wonderful memoir.  Indeed, the first word of the prologue is "sister."  She goes on to say that her elder sister, Jackie, was the most influential person in her life.  Amen and hallelujah! 

Walters was born into a glamorous family in New York City, blessed with intellect and energy enough to dream big dreams and also with chutzpah and determination enough to follow them through.  She broke glass ceiling after glass ceiling, proving critics wrong all along the way.  She has stared down dictators and corporate bosses, withstood withering public criticism, outlasted chauvinistic colleagues, and outwitted the competition.  She's touched the lives of presidents and movie stars and infamous criminals.  She's fallen in love, raised a child, and survived divorce.  All while providing for a sister who was utterly dependent (and apparently pretty demanding!)

Every woman in 21st century America owes Barbara Walters a debt of gratitude - for her determination, her courage, and her clear-minded leadership.  Any one of us who has achieved any part of our dreams is on a highway paved in part by Walters. For decades she was and still is a role model and inspiration.  But who inspired her?  "Much of the need I had to prove myself, to achieve, to provide," Walters writes, "can be traced to my feelings about Jackie."

We are fortunate that after the life she's led Walters had the stamina in her 70s to put together this memoir. It is charming and compelling, a real page turner.  Even the collection of pictures reveals much about her that we didn't know before. This is not a mere recitation of activities: "I did this and then I did this and then I did that."  Walters makes sense of the various choices she's made, the jobs she's done, the people she's loved.  She weaves her life stories together into a cohesive tapestry of purpose, accident, decision, and luck and she tells it with kindness, wisdom, humor, and compassion.  She credits her sister with that stuff, too. 

Amen and hallelujah.



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Book Review: Knowing Your Value by Mika Brzezinski

Knowing Your Value by Mika Brzezinski

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


Thank you Mika!  Not only was this a wonderful idea for a book, but it was very well done.  By taking the time to share your personal struggle with being paid fairly, and then reporting on the struggles of other highly successful women, you have performed an invaluable service!

I laughed out loud as I recognized myself in some of your stories.  We women really can be our own worst enemies sometimes when it comes to receiving fair compensation for our work.  We think if we just work hard enough, they will come to us with a bucketful of money in thanks.  We agree to contracts way below what the fellas agree to, and we wonder why we can't pay our bills. 

The priceless Arianna Huffington quote on the jacket serves as a kind of thesis statement for the book: "Just look around and you'll see plenty of evidence that asking for what we want results not in the realization of our own worst fears but in getting what we want."  Amen!

Thanks for doing the looking around part for us, Mika. I shared this book with a niece as she was graduating from high school this year.  I hope she reads it.   

My two-page summary is available for free download here.

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Book Review: Lean In

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


I have rarely been this happy to have read a book - or this grateful to an author - as I am after savoring every page of Lean In.  I feel like I have just had the opportunity to sit with a world-class leader and pick her brain about all the stuff I care most about.  And what a brain!  The subject is timely and super-important. The writing is friendly and clear.  The tone is welcoming and gracious.  Sheryl Sandberg has given all of us a tremendous gift, which I, for one, plan to pay forward.

Here is my two-page summary.

One of the best pieces of advice I ever had from someone in a position to be a mentor to me professionally was that I should not compare myself to others.  We can never truly know what is in other people's hearts.  We are often oblivious to their failures, peeves, insecurities.  So to compare how we feel inside to how someone else presents themselves on the outside is a losing game. 

Still, it feels really, really good to find out that Sheryl Sandberg's insides are a lot like mine.  Important stuff sometimes doesn't occur to her. She shrinks on occasion then wishes she hadn't.  She lets herself be influenced by others... men, women, younger, older, more senior, less senior.  She gets out of balance and out of focus.  She has struggled to find her voice and then felt hurt by criticism when she uses it.   

And, oh boy has there been criticism.  As far as I can tell, much of it seems to be coming from people who haven't actually read the book.  Just yesterday I heard a woman on TV say something about Sheryl Sandberg out there advising us all to be more like men.  What?  What page was that on?  There was nothing like that in the book I just read.  This was Sheryl Sandberg offering heart-felt and well-thought out advice to other professional women about not limiting ourselves.  She wants us to support each other and champion each other and to let others do the same for us.

Count me in Sheryl!  I've already joined the Lean In group on LinkedIn and will soon be working to pull together a Lean In group here locally. (Interested readers should call me.) This is exactly the kind of new women's movement we have been needing, but maybe we weren't ready for. Nothing but good can come from unleashing the power lurking deep in each of us. Let's get started!





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