Chapter 6: Inspiring Others to Find Their Voice: The Leadership Challenge

Beginning with The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, leadership development is at the essential core of all of Dr. Stephen R. Covey's books.  He takes us step by step through self-mastery, then interpersonal effectiveness and self-renewal, and every last word of it is about leadership.  In Chapter 6 of The 8th Habit he provides a definition: 

"Leadership is communicating to people their worth and potential so clearly that they come to see it in themselves."  

In my leadership studies, that is new and different - and it merits some parsing.

We all operate every day in an organizational context, sharing goals with others at work or at home. Our whole lives are therefore facilitated (or not) by leadership. Because all organizations are comprised of human beings, understand the nature of humans is critical to effective work within them. Efficiency is out. The whole person (body, mind, heart and spirit) paradigm is in.  To influence others effectively we need more character than technique. It's not about psyche-up slogans and rah-rah. It's about principles: integrity, respect, fairness, etc. It takes effort and will to embody those things - but we must if we are to develop ourselves as leaders and unleash the potential of our organizations.

Dr. Covey relates common chronic problems experienced in organizations to the four human endowments: 

1. Spirit - Low trust.
2. Mind - No shared vision or common value system
3. Body - No alignment
4. Heart- Disempowered people 

Any of these underlying conditions can become acute problems that threaten entire enterprises and make the people in it unhappy and unable to accomplish group goals. Short-term fixes might temporarily resolve the crisis du jour but effective long-term solutions must address the spirits, heads, hearts and bodies of the people involved.
Those looking for a leadership solution in organizations must decide to embrace the 8th habit and inspire others to find their voice. They must adopt the "four roles of leadership":

1. Model trustworthiness,
2. Find a path to a shared vision
3. Ensure alignment around goals, and 
4. Empower individuals. 

 Here is a little table I created to help myself get this picture together.

 

Human Endowment	Chronic Organizational Issue	Acute Symptoms	Leadership Role
Spirit	Low Trust	Back-biting, In-fighting, Victimism, Defensiveness, Not Sharing Information	Modeling (Trustworthiness)
Mind	No Shared Vision or Values	Ambiguity, Hidden Agendas, Political Games, Chaos	Pathfinding
Body	Misalignment	Interdepartmental Rivalry, Co-Dependency, Clear Hypocrisies, Resolvable Misalignments	Aligning
Heart	Disempowerment	Apathy, Moonlighting, Daydreaming, Boredom, Escapism, Anger, Fear	Empowering

Of course, none of us can develop our leadership potential until we develop ourselves individually. One can't model trustworthiness, for example, with a poorly-formed conscience. Knowledge of how to do this, together with the correct attitude and ongoing skill building is the essence of what it means to adopt a habit. And a habit, to Covey, is something one earns first through study and then through application of principles. There are no quick fixes.  That's why I am spending a year working my way through this book and associated others.  I'm learning something new everyday.

Book Review: The Marshmallow Test

The Marshmallow Test: Why Self-Control Is the Engine of Success by Walter Mischel

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


Imagine yourself at four years old. You are in a mostly empty room with a nice lady who is talking to you about this and that. On the table in front of you is a tasty-looking marshmallow on a plate. Suddenly the lady says "Oh my goodness, I need to leave the room for a few minutes. While I am away, if you would like to eat that marshmallow, you may. But - if you wait until I come back, I will bring another one and and then you can have two." With that she is gone... and you are alone with that marshmallow and your own thoughts and feelings.

What would you do?

Scientists first began testing preschoolers this way back in the 1960s, studying the human capacity to delay gratification. How long could the average kid hold out? What strategies are employed by those who are able to wait longer? What other characteristics did those who ate the single marshmallow right away have in common? Some kids were tested with cookies and others with toys, but the idea is the same: What has to be at play before someone can sacrifice a current pleasure for something even better in the future?

Dr. Mischel is one of the creators of the marshmallow test and also designed a great deal of follow up research over the ensuing years. This book-length report, written for a lay audience, summarizes the key findings of a fascinating career of exploration into the human capacity for will power: its biological and psychological underpinnings, its ramifications, and - best of all - how to grow and sustain it. It's a wonderful book, recommended for parents of 4 year olds and for any adult interested in learning and growing.

It turns out that 30 years after their original tests, those who were able to wait the longest before eating that marshmallow are slimmer, more successful professionally, have more stable relationships, and have bigger 401(k)s. The ability to distract oneself from temptation, visualize a future state, and/or overcome "hot" impulses with "cool" reasoning cuts across many areas of life throughout life. Very, very interesting.

While it is true that developing good mental habits is easier done in childhood than in later life, the good news here is that even those getting up in years can learn to delay immediate gratification in order to gain future benefits. Disputing automatic negative thinking, proactively developing optimism, and learning distraction techniques all work. There is no quick fix for someone with a natural propensity to indulge immediate desires, but it can be done. We can rewire the neural pathways, trim down our waistlines, put more in savings, and trust in a happy future.

Had Dr. Mischel's body of research findings remained in academic journals it would still have been significant, but his ability to present it in this highly-readable format makes it immensely important. He's keen that the words "Marshmallow Test" enter the vernacular as a sort of biologic starting point, rather than a predestination. Fortunately, his how-to sections are thoughtful and compelling. I'm very glad I read this one during my Sweet 16 year of transition and transformation. Watch for a summary in the next few weeks.


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Book Review: The Power of Full Engagement

The Power of Full Engagement by Jim Loehr

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


I confess I've never really paid much attention to whether or not I am oscillating properly, or taken responsibility for my own linearity, but I will now. In fact, it would be crazy not to. The subtitle here says it all: Managing Energy, Not Time, is the Key to High Performance and Personal Renewal. I can't add more hours to the day, but I can pay attention to the ebb and flow of my energy and take steps to build it, maintain it, and spend it wisely.

This one ended up in my reading pile this year because Stephen R. Covey mentioned it in The 8th Habit, and I can see why he did. These guys, who started out as trainers for elite athletes, speak of energy in terms of the four aspects of a whole self, so important in Covey's paradigm. Physical energy we know about, though often neglect. Mental, Emotional and Spiritual Energy also matter. All four sources of energy are built and restored the same way: push past current limits, relax and recover, repeat. Not rocket science... just good sense.

Full explanation behind the relationship of energy to full engagement is given, together with instruction in their training program. Personally, I love the idea of rituals and have successfully employed this strategy a great deal over the years. When we commit to a certain regular behavior or pattern of behaviors, we reduce the amount of energy needed to decide what to do. No dithering, no excuses.If I am looking to gain physical energy for example, a regular morning run might be the thing. For emotional energy, a daily practice of journaling might be in order. The key is to make the decision, game plan for what you want to work on, implement, adjust and hold yourself accountable. The authors have a blank personal development plan in the appendix, along with a sample.

I have to say that I truly expect all of this to be a lot easier once the transition to Florida is complete later this year. Certainly it will be easier to exercise every day, eat well, surround myself with uplifting friends, etc. That's an excuse, of course, so I will keep doing what I can now and plan to increase the program as I go. Since the idea of being fully engaged is a little bit scary at the moment, it seems wise to start by building up spiritual muscle, which these authors recommend anyway, saying "Change is powered from the top down." This book is an excellent contribution to my year of transition and transformation, and truth to tell it would help just about anyone I know. Highly recommended.

A three-page summary, written by me, is available for free download, here.

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Chapter 5: Express Your Voice - Vision, Discipline, Passion and Conscience

So these are the four words that will comprise my mantra this next month, representing the "highest manifestations of the four intelligences," the four sides of our human nature.

•  Mental/IQ (Mind) = Vision
• Physical/PQ (Body) = Discipline
• Emotional/EQ (Heart) = Passion
• Spiritual/SQ (Spirit) = Conscience

Happiness comes to those who develop all four of these aspects co-equally. And, as Covey notes, influence comes as well. Don't we always describe leaders with words like vision, discipline, passion and conscience? The people we willingly follow have those things.

Chapter 5 goes to the root of The 8th Habit, Find Your Voice and Inspire Others to Find Theirs. Voice is defined as "unique personal significance" and it lies at the intersection of our talents, passions, conscience, and need.  There's the four aspects again. Get it?

I loved the diagram on page 85 so much I took a picture of it.

Vision is being able to see something before it exists in reality, and believing in it so strongly that you can bring it about. Covey calls envisioning "the first creation" and points out that all things are created twice. First we see it, then we can develop it. Six or seven years ago I created a clear vision of myself in a house on Lake Erie. Four years ago I moved in. Lately I have been seeing myself on the beach in Florida. Plans for making that happen are coming together. I am not quite sure yet how I will pull off some of the details, but I have a very clear picture in my head and that is the first creation.  (I am quite slender in those pictures, by the way.)

In my work I have helped many groups and organizations to develop their vision statements, their shared picture of the future they are working together to create. I've found over the years that in every group there are some individuals who resist spending any amount of time in a group visioning process, but to me (and to others) this "first creation" is vital. No matter what a group exists to do (mission) it will achieve it much more quickly if the people involved all have a clear vision of the end result. Vision keeps people engaged, fires up their energy, and keeps them on the same path forward. It is an indispensable part of any collaborative effort.

Discipline means many things. Representing the physical side of our nature, it has to do with the ability to resist that which is bad for us and to focus on that which supports our goals. It's willpower and execution and sacrificing good things in order to have better. As part of my year-long journey through The 8th Habit I will be finishing a book I bought a while ago called The Marshmallow Test: Mastering Self-Control by Walter Mischel, the scientist who first taught us that 4 year olds who can delay gratification (one marshmallow now or two later) grow up to be adults with successful careers and solid 401(k)s. Fortunately for us grown ups, he also knows how we can build up the muscles of self-discipline. Watch for a future blog.

Passion is the overarching attribute of an enthusiast, someone who believes in creating the future with vision and discipline, rather than wallowing in hopelessness and helplessness. A passionate person is one whose talents have been unlocked and who is engaged in an effort that brings her or him great joy, whether it be a personal relationship or a social cause. Without passion, we can go through the motions, even bring some skills to our work, but we will never achieve at the highest levels unless we are all in. Lack of passion is a sign that we are on the wrong track, that we have not yet found our own voice. If we aren't bringing our whole heart to our endeavors, something is amiss.

Conscience is the crux of it all, the aspect that powers all the rest of it. Covey teaches that the fastest route to growing in our personal and interpersonal effectiveness is through addressing spiritual values like fairness, integrity, and service. Conscience (the highest manifestation of spirit) fuels our efforts to grow in the other three aspects. To those with a highly developed conscience, the ends never justify the means. Covey believes in certain universal principles - kindness, respect, responsibility, honesty, contribution - and says that living in alignment with these is the path to happiness. They are as immutable as gravity and the Law of the Harvest: we reap what we sow. We will not find ourselves surrounded by loving kindness if we contribute only irritation and hostility. Living according to conscience is living according to what we know is true.

Here is where he reproduces The Paradoxical Commandments, which I repeat here, just because they are always worth noting.

1.  People are illogical, unreasonable and self-centered. Love them anyway.
2. If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway.
3. If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.
4.  The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
5. Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.
6. The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds. Think big anyway.
7. People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs. Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
8. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.
9. People really need help but may attack you if you do help them. Help people anyway.
10. Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway.

Step one is to do the internal work, to ensure that we are aligned within ourselves before we can do the interpersonal work of effectively engaging with others. Life is too painful when we don't do that. We miss our calling, sit helplessly on the sidelines while problems go unresolved and the world turns without our contribution. We can help only after we have developed the moral authority that comes from being a person others know as visionary, disciplined, passionate and conscientious.  
 
The journey continues.

A Covey Appendix: Developing the 4 Human Intelligences

In Chapter 4 of The 8th Habit, Dr. Covey provides a very simple prescription for taking care of the whole self:

1. For the body - assume you've had a heart attack; now live accordingly.
2. For the mind - assume the half-life of your profession is two years; now prepare accordingly.
3. For the heart - assume everything you say about another, they can overhear; now speak accordingly.
4. For the spirit - assume you have a one-on-one visit with your Creator every quarter; now live accordingly.

Well, that about covers it. For those who want a little more guidance, however, he provides a 20 page appendix called "Developing the 4 Intelligences/Capacities - A Practical Guide to Action" containing information and strategies for developing our full human abilities in all four areas.  

Physical (PQ)
There is nothing unique or surprising about the suggestions on the physical side. Eat right, exercise, get plenty of rest, drink water. Covey's special contribution here is the concept of mastery: "When you subordinate your body to your mind and your spirit, the peace and confidence that flow from that kind of discipline and self-mastery is enormous." It's the beginning of the private victory before public victory process he described in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. If you can't keep a promise to yourself to reduce calories or walk every day or whatever, what is the value of your promises to others? Strengthening PQ is the first step.

Mental (IQ)
Mental Intelligence is about systematic study and continuous education. Contrary to what was once believed, the amount of smarts we have when we are born can be grown throughout our entire lifetime. Self-awareness, having clarity around the assumptions we bring to problems, is a component of IQ. Covey recommends journaling and other forms of writing to strengthening mental intelligence, along with teaching others what we've learned. (Blogging accomplishes both, hopefully.)

Emotional (EQ)
Much has been written in the last 20 years about emotional intelligence, all very enlightening and transformative. Covey rightly points out, however, that little has been provided in the way of how to strengthen EQ. Until now. My biggest aha! so far in my study of The 8th Habit has been the link Covey draws in this appendix between the elements of EQ and the 7 Habits. Here's what it looks like in a chart:

Developing the Five Main Components of Emotional Intelligence (EQ) through the 7 Habits
Self-Awareness	1. Be Proactive
Personal Motivation	2. Begin with the End in Mind
Self-Regulation	3. Put First Things First 7. Sharpen the Saw
Empathy	5. Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood
Social Skills	4. Think Win/Win 5. Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood 6. Synergize

That's it - the whole ball game. Life in a nutshell. Make a practice of adopting the 7 Habits (and the 8th) and grow your EQ and therefore your personal and interpersonal effectiveness. Whoot.

Spiritual (SQ)
Spiritual intelligence pretty much comes down to 1) integrity, 2) meaning, and 3) voice (our unique gifts.) I love the Robert Frost poem Covey reprints here:

My object in living is to unite
My avocation and my vocation
As my two eyes make one in sight.
Only where love and need are one
And the work is play for mortal stakes,
Is the deed ever really done
For Heaven and the future's sakes.

In other words - assume you have a quarterly visit with your Creator. Now act accordingly.

Book Review: Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ by Daniel Goleman

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


The good news is that adults with low EQ can change. Even though old patterns of thinking have carved deep grooves in our brains, making it harder and harder over time to recover emotionally and develop healthy responses to our own and others' feelings, it can be done. That's the good news.

The bad news is that it is not easy.

Published in 1995, Goleman's book is apparently the one that started it all. The expression "EQ" is now part of the culture, and most of us do have a vague understanding of what it means and it's proven importance. Less well-known, of course, is exactly what constitutes emotional intelligence, what builds or destroys it, and what can be done to repair damage. That is why I am glad I read this one. The four-page summary I prepared is available as a free download by clicking here.

I recently had an opportunity to attend a workshop on emotional intelligence at a nationwide conference of peers. With only three hours, the trainer had to pack a great deal into his presentation and small group exercises. Along the way he suggested that we not read this book, saying it was too dense and academic to hold our interest. I noticed that his materials were derived from other works in this field, notably the stuff produced by Travis Bradberry, Jean Greaves and the folks at TalentSmart. That's fine, but I disagree that Emotional Intelligence was difficult reading. It gives fullness to the work of those who came after and helped me understand some of what I learned in the Emotional Intelligence 2.0 self-assessment.

Here's a key quote for me, suggesting a strategy for improvement that I will be working to implement in my own life over the next few weeks:

"The train of angry thoughts that stokes anger is also potentially the key to one of the most powerful ways to defuse anger: undermining the convictions that are fueling the anger in the first place. The longer we ruminate about what has made us angry, the more 'good reasons' and self-justifications for being angry we can invent. Brooding fuels anger's flames. But seeing things differently douses those flames."

This idea has shown up in much of my reading. It's in Learned Optimism and other works by Martin Seligman. It's in Leadership and Self-Deception. It's in everything by Wayne Dyer and others who teach about the Law of Attraction. And it is certainly in Stephen Covey's work. My year-long exploration of The 8th Habit is what led me to finally read Goleman. But as Covey says "To know and not to do is really not to know." To get the full value from having read this book I will need to apply the lessons learned. Breathe. Count to ten. Challenge those negative thoughts. Let it go. Carve new neural pathways.





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Chapter 4: Discover Your Voice (Part 1)

There's a quote Covey uses to start the chapter... the same quote I have on a poster on my wall.  It's from Marianne Williamson (not Nelson Mandela) and it goes like this:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world.  There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

The title of the fourth chapter in Stephen R. Covey's The 8th Habit is "Discover Your Voice." Discover, as in find, unbury, locate.  These are the verbs one uses to describe the way to something that already exists.  All of us have a unique voice, an inner light, a special contribution we make. Mine has been layered over with 52 years of muck, but it is there.  Dr. Phil used to say things like "the only thing worse than staying in a bad relationship for ten years is staying in it for ten years and one day." Looks like the same can be said for continually choosing to keep our voice silent, or doing anything that goes against our best interests. Letting one more day go by without making the choice to accept our natural birth gifts is a tragedy. It's like saying "No thanks, God. I'd rather not be fully human."

Covey describes the epiphany he had when he learned about the space between stimulus and response, and this became the predicate for all of his writings. It works like this: something happens - and before we respond there is a moment when we decide what to say or do. Someone says "that dress looks pretty on you" and then there is a moment when we choose whether to say "thank you" or roll our eyes and say "this old thing?"  Covey says our freedom to create our lives lives in that space, which is larger for some than for others. The whole ball game is in how we respond...

I will never forget the overwhelming sense of relief I felt when I first learned through the work of Dr. Edward Hallowell (see blog post dated 2/22/15) that having an ADD brain meant that I did not have much of a space between stimulus and response. My fly-off-the-handle, bite-your-head-off ways were not as much a moral failing as they were bio-based. Because there is so much to embrace about ADD, so much good to roll with when you give up trying (and failing) to be more like others, it's been fairly productive to stop beating myself up about that. Plus, it feels better.

So now comes Covey to say that even a small space can be grown. That would be good. In fact, I have read that elsewhere as well. That feels like a pretty productive place to begin this month's journey to Discover My Voice. 

More about the chapter: The freedom to choose is one of three natural "birth gifts" Covey describes.  The second is natural laws or principles, something he talks about throughout all of his works. I have decided to keep a master list of these as I go.  So far, I have fairness, kindness, respect, honesty, integrity, service, contribution, responsibility, purpose. He also says the seven habits are natural laws.  More on that later.  

Principles are universal, inarguable, like gravity. Values, on the other hand, are personal and subjective. People who align their personal values with universal principles are said to have a strong moral compass. This shows up in their behavior and they develop moral authority. 

The third birth gift is being endowed with the four dimensions of being human... Mind, Body, Heart, Spirit. Covey guarantees that if we focus on developing ourselves in all four arenas "you will find great peace, and power will come in to your life." I'll have more on all of this in coming weeks, but for now, here is the basic breakdown: 

• Mental Intelligence (IQ): Our ability to think, analyze, comprehend. Long since debunked as the most important predictor of likely success.
• Physical Intelligence (PQ):  Being of sound body, maximum health and fitness.
• Emotional Intelligence (EQ): Having a strong sense of self-knowledge, self-awareness, empathy with others, social sensitivity and ability to successfully communicate with others. 
• Spiritual Intelligence (SQ): Our conscience and our drive to have meaning in our lives, being connected to That Which is Bigger than Ourselves. Covey says this one drives and guides the others.

The book has a 20 page appendix called "Developing the Four Intelligences/Capacities - A Practical Guide to Action." I will be working my way through that over the next few weeks, as well as through some of the books Covey refers to in this chapter, mostly having to do with EQ.  This is all part of my commitment to spend a year with The 8th Habit.  Do let me know if you are following along.

Chapter 3: The Solution

One of my all-time favorite bumper stickers read: "Subvert the Dominant Paradigm." My radicalized, college-age, capitalism-hating self really thought that was cool. Our society had it all wrong. The world was full of injustice and all the greedy people who created the system and all the blind minions who propped it up were the root cause of all I disliked.

I've mellowed some with time, of course, but I've always worried that my conforming ways have me off the path to greatness I once thought I was bound for. Daily life is easier when I don't feel myself to be at loggerheads with the world all around, but so many peaceful days in a row have begun to feel like I've settled for mediocrity. That's why I value Dr. Covey's work so much. I believe in the promise he's made to deliver the road map back to greatness. Some huge shakeups lie ahead for me and it's not likely to be easy, but I have to do it.

The problem, you see, is me. The self that I am today IS mediocre and the fix is therefore internal. By seeking to get along with others, I have suppressed my own views, feelings, and needs. I have squelched my own creativity, stifled my own voice. In so doing, I have not only harmed myself but I have also diminished my influence and limited my contribution to the world. You could call that irony.

The good news, according to Covey, is "No matter how long we've walked life's pathway to mediocrity, we can always choose to switch paths. Always. It's never too late. We can find our own voice."  We just have to switch paradigms.

The 8th habit is "Find Your Voice and Inspire Others to Find Theirs." Both parts are critical and both require immense internal work. To be influential, to really make a difference and leave a last legacy, one must be completely authentic. Without that, there is no trust (including trust of self) and without trust there is no influence. As authenticity falls off, so does our ability to achieve great things.

Knowing and expressing one's true self in all areas - vision, discipline, passion, and conscience - is not optional any more than breathing air is optional.

Because no one is an island, and most work is done in conjunction with others, we need the people around us to find their own voices and to bring their best selves to our organizations. That's why "inspire others to find theirs" is such an important part of the 8th habit. The bulk of the book is devoted to teaching us how to do just that. Can't wait.

So, as I indicated in my December 27 blog, I am devoting this year to the study of the principles and other lessons detailed in The 8th Habit. I have accepted Dr. Covey's challenge to go through each of the remaining chapters slowly and deliberately, working to apply the insights of each for one month at a time. I will do my best to keep the blog posts coming and to share my learnings. Next week I will provide an orientation to the 8th Habit website. In subsequent weeks I will post summaries of some of the related books I'll explore as I go throughout the year. Ya'll are welcome to come along for the ride.