Chapter 1: Pain

Few authors speak to me like Stephen R. Covey does. His books are the guidestar to my best life, filling me up on each read and reread. So why I have allowed myself to stray from the basic principles he articulated so well, I don't know. Fortunately, some higher power keeps intervening, pointing me back over and over. That's why I noticed a complete set of audio CDs for The 8th Habit on a colleague's shelf just before a long car trip I took in November. She graciously allowed me to borrow them and I popped the first one in as I got the highway.  Dr. Covey opens this one with a chapter called "Pain" that so well describes what I've been feeling lately that it truly gave me a sense that I had come home. The solutions for me would be there if I just put my focus on the things Covey talks about. Take some time with it: no speed reading.

"Listen to these voices," he says: 

• "I'm frustrated and discouraged."
• "Maybe I just don't have what it takes."
• "I'm stressed out; everything's urgent."

Sound familiar? It did to me. And while I know that everyone from the makers of antidepressants to the owners of beach resorts promise a quick fix for deeply embedded pain like this, I know in my heart that I feel better when I apply Dr. Covey's principles to my every day life.  As a result of this road trip, I made some big decisions about my future and also dedicated 2016 not just to transition, but also to transformation.

It seems to me the problem so many people are experiencing - not being fully engaged at work and at home - is getting worse, even since The 8th Habit was first published in 2004. Brain scientists I have seen on TV talk about the bad-for-us neurological rewiring taking place because of our increasing use of cell phones, tablets, and computers. Add in a zero nutrition diet, and we are doing things to our bodies they were not designed for. Yet, even as we are decreasing our human capacities, we are raising expectation levels. Says Covey: "Being effective as individuals and organizations is no longer optional in today's world - it's the price of entry to the playing field." There are no more "also rans," no ribbons just for participating. Those trying to live by the rules crafted by others end up in tremendous pain.

One would think that as a self-employed person, I had avoided this whole rat race problem, and maybe I have to a larger degree than others. Still, I think Covey nails it on the head when he says we all need to adopt his 8th habit: "Find your voice and inspire others to find theirs." Voice is defined as "unique personal significance," so it's clear to me that I don't have that. I'm still not sure where I fit. Thus, the deep, lonely, unrelenting emptiness some have called "existential angst." Since reading Covey, I don't think it's existential.  It is not an inevitable price of life. The pain flows from living outside of natural laws, outside of our own conscience, outside our passions. "When you engage in work that taps your talent and fuels your passion - that rises out of a great need in the world that you feel drawn by conscience to meet - therein lies your voice, your calling, your soul's code." Void filled.

I may be closer to this than most, but I'm not there yet and the gap is draining me. My nieces and nephews call this a "first world problem" and so it is. But it is my problem to solve and so I will.

It is comforting to me that Dr. Covey reports that his personal interactions with some of the world's greatest leaders has taught him that most aren't born with great vision, but rather develop it slowly over the course of life. It's when they seek to make their work sustainable (to leave a lasting legacy) that they find a way to institutionalize their individual accomplishments. That means sharing their personal insights with others in a way that makes their unique personal significance stick - the "inspire others to find theirs" part of the 8th habit. 

I feel calmer just being able to see this destination ahead. Dr. Covey says this book provides a roadnmap from where I am now to that place in my future where I can honestly say I found my voice and inspired others to find theirs.

Let the journey begin.